Tuesday, November 22, 2016

The end of the road....

I am 2 days shy of 39 weeks…..and it has really flown by.  From the first day I found out about this HUGE life changing event (Easter Sunday to be exact), I have gone through a multitude of emotions – anger, sadness, joy, anticipation, excitement, fear, worry………  I honestly can’t believe it has gone by this fast and the time is HERE.  I could give birth at any moment.  Having the baby moved out of breech last week definitely made things more “real.”  I can say that right now, I am feeling better nervous, and trying not to plan or think about it.  With your first pregnancy, you don’t know what to expect and you are so excited.  I haven’t felt that as much now….I do know what childbirth is like and I do remember the first few weeks (and I didn’t particularly enjoy them!).  Throwing in the fact that I have another child already, and I must say that while I am excited about meeting this new life and loving on her, I am not looking forward to going through that again (meaning labor, delivery, the first few nights).  Am I alone here???? 

As I near the end of this journey, I am incredibly grateful for my family and friends.  I don’t think I was a crazy preggo, but I know I sure had my moments.  They stuck by me, supported me, offered all the right words of encouragement and tangible help that I needed at that very moment.  I’ve tried hard to be very aware of my emotions and make sure they were rational.  So as I get to the end of the road here, I wanted to get down some thoughts about this journey...

I am grateful that I took care of myself.  I gained over 45 pounds with Emma, but this has not been the case this time around.  I worked out regularly up until the 8th month, and I was cautious not to “let myself go” when it came to eating.  And it wasn’t hard, I just didn’t crave the same things as the first pregnancy (grapes as opposed to juicy burgers!)  I am definitely smaller in the belly than with Emma and at times, am self-conscious about this.  I wasn't gaining much weight towards the end and this scared me.  The doctors reassured me, and all is fine.  But I still got worried.  I may or may have not splurged a few extra times in the last 3 weeks (Bojangle's, smoothies, more comfort carbs....yummmm - they all felt soooo right!!)

I am grateful for the lesson of living within my means.  Pregnancy really forces you to think about this.  You learn to live with less clothes, without certain foods or activities, to save money (because you’re a one income household now!), and of course – you lose a room to another person, so you MUST learn to clear out and make way!  Getting rid of things I don’t love and only bringing in things I do has been great.  It feels so good to get rid of and simplify.  Our house is small, but it’s perfect and I will be thankful for all of it.  It’s not décor or space that make the home, but the memories made there.  I am truly looking forward to this and letting go of the fact that we are still in our “starter” home (albeit a nice one).  This contentment has brought me much peace.  And being content is way less stressful than finding, buying, and selling a houseJ
I am grateful that this pregnancy really forced me to focus on my relationship with Emma.  I tried really hard to be present for her, and soak up every moment.  I know our time isn’t ending…but it certainly will change.  It made me very aware of my role as a mother and motivated me to make sure I was doing the best I could do – giving her all I could when I could. 

I am grateful for this opportunity to be a mom.  I have said this before, but I really love staying at home and being just a mom.  I love carpooling, taking Emma to activities, taking care of the house, meeting and making friends with other moms, doing playdates, etc….  I consider them all a privilege.  My time with Emma will come to a point when she is not with me for the majority of the day and she will be off to school.  Then, my influence changes.  I will have to compete with so many other cultural factors for her attention and growth.  I hate that…I really do.  But I have to trust that God has a plan for (and protection over) her.

I am grateful that I have had an easy pregnancy.  Up until the last week and half, I really have no complaints.  Last week was physically challenging – a  lot of soreness from the turning and overdoing it led to some uncomfortable nights that I worried were labor.  I am learning to rest, drink more, and say NOJ  All things I am NOT good at.  I also had to learn how to accept help - from my parents, Brent, friends.  This was hard, and I had to constantly fight feeling needy.

I have no idea what the next 10 days will hold for me, but I am resting assured that
ONE: I have no major commitments going on,
: my house is semi-clean and organized and baby's room is ready,
and THREE: God is in control, so the sooner I let go and trust His timing, the more at peace I will be.  I wasn't made to fret over this...it's beyond my capabilities, so I am fighting my type A and letting the moments pass as they're supposed to.

Happy Thanksgiving, all!

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