Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Squeezing it in...

I feel like my time with just Emma is coming to a close...and I know that in reality, it isn't (really), but I do feel a sense of urgency to spend quality time with her.  I know this is very normal...

Last week, we had 2 special outings.  For the past 4 years, it has been Emma and me.  She did all the errands with me, all the fun things, and we had each other.  We definitely got on each other's nerves, but she was my sidekick, and I loved it.  When I first found out I was pregnant, my heart broke thinking of how this would change.  Then I got over it some because Emma has been so excited about getting a sibling, and really has been sweet about already looking out for her little sister.  But now that I have less than 4 weeks left, I am getting nostalgic.

Last Tuesday was grey and cool, but we decided to take a Chickfila picnic to Jordan lake.  We were the only ones out there and really enjoyed eating and walking around and playing.

Then, Wednesday, I picked Emma up from school and it was too nice of a day not to go to Maple View Farms for ice cream.  We set up a blanket, share a banana split, watched the cows in the distance, and ran around chasing butterflies and picking weed flowers. 

I have so much anxiety about what the next few weeks and months will hold for us, and I am trying really hard to just focus on my attitude and stay positive.  I know the realities of having a newborn, but I am praying and pumping myself up that it will be great (positive thinking, right?!)  I can't go to worse case scenario because I know it won't help. 

I am so so thankful for this time I have had with Emma.  Making the decision to go part time 2 years ago, and now to stay at home, has been the BEST decision I could have ever made.  I say that hoping I am not offending anyone else or their decision to work or not.  I know it's not something everyone can do.  For us, it is a sacrifice...we are definitely more frugal!   I feel called to take care of my family on a daily basis.  I enjoy cooking, cleaning, running errands, playing with Emma, and doing all the mom and wife things that need to be done here.  I consider it a privilege, really.  I'm not good at managing several tasks at once (like working and being a mom), so I am much happier just doing one.  I was so scared of this change when I found out about baby 2....because it is HUGE.  Going from working to not working and staying at home all week long.  I second guessed myself and didn't think I could do it.  I still have doubts and know it will be challenging, but God's plan was so much better than mine in this.  I am learning to trust Him in this, and I truly feel like becoming a mother has made me a better person.  I needed to learn selflessness, and let go of control, and enjoy simple blessings.  I needed to see small joys in large messes, and learn to live with less things, and more laughter and love.  While the next few weeks are scary for me, I am excited to see what they hold.  This pregnancy has gone by so fast, and was much better than I expected it to be....so I know God will continue to bless the journey:)

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