Monday, June 25, 2012

BIG thank you...and start of week 3

First, what a blessing Facebook has been these last 2 weeks!  I never thought I would say that - but for one, I love living vicariously through my facebook friends - seeing their cool status updates and pictures while I have been inside being a mom:)  Second, I could never have anticipated the support I have received from my facebook and blogger friends.  I haven't had a chance to personally respond to all the kinds words and messages yet, but I will...give me a few days!  My last post was very heartfelt, and honest.  My dad often jokes that I don't have many "unexpressed" thoughts..which is true.  I usually tell it like it is, as if my face doesn't already show what I am thinking!  This is sometimes a bad thing, and gets me in trouble, because I don't think first...but often it is a relationship lifesaver! I don't hold back! I am happy to report that we are doing much better - a lot of it is time...those of you who said it gets weren't lying:) And a lot of it is letting go of control and relaxing.  I will say that blogging helps me more than anything.  It's my chance to get thoughts out and still feel thank you for reading my rambles! 

Eating and Sleeping:
The feeding thing is still a challenge somedays.  She is doing better, but feeding is taking over an hour, and if she wants to eat every 3 know where that leaves my life most of the time (on the couch with a baby, boob, and boppy).  Thankfully, we are feeding her bottles at night time to save sanity.  I normally pump before bed and then once during the night.  We aren't doing too bad on sleep, although Emma is not liking the swaddle pod..she rolls over on her side and desparately wants her hands out.  We tried no swaddling and her legs kicked all night and I just watched her squirm until she started crying.  She sleeps great in either of our arms...but unfortunately the sleep is not mutual.  We went out today and bought a Halo newborn sleepsack, and are eager to try it out tonight.  I know that once we get her settled sleeping in the pack n play by the bed, then we are one step closer to the crib in the other room..and one step closer to getting our bedroom and some sleep back.
Last night, we had a feeding crisis...we put Emma down at 9:30, and she woke up at 11:30 - hungry as a bear.  I had just fed her and had only about an ounce to give her.  We had to supplement with formula, my body just could not keep up.  I was devastated because I felt as though I had failed her, like I couldn't do my job.  I kow it's silly to feel like that, but I couldn't help it.  My one role is to feed her, and I physically couldn't do it at that moment.  Brent thinks it is a blessing, and that night time will go much smoother with formula feedings, where she gets full faster and will stay satisfied longer.  I know he is right, but it is still hard.  On a bright note, she slept in her Halo sack in the pack n play almost the whole night (minus the times we were up feeding her), so that is a huge success!!!

Getting out:
We did venture out to church this morning...I know a lot of you will frown on this..and I totally understand your reasoning.  I really wanted to go and have that sense of fellowship..and I just decided that we would let God control the rest.  She slept the whole time, and we sat in the corner...away from people and had a blanket over her the whole time. 

We are officially out of newbron diapers, and into number ones!  They are still a bit saggy, but the newborns were too small.  This makes me happy because I know she is gaining weight:)

Emma loves to lay on her back and stretch...which is great because she spends a lot of time in our arms, her swing, or the I want her to learn how to stretch out on her own.  She is starting to smile in her sleep, and her face is really filling out.  Her hair is still dark brown and has not started falling out yet...I still can't believe all this dark hair!  She is starting to catch my eyes when I look at her, and I love that.  Sometimes she just stares ay my mouth or forehead...but when she catches my eyes, I melt.  I can't wait for her to fully realize that I am her mom, and for her to know that she is mine.

Pre-pregnany clothes:
I still have a bit of a pooch...but I am able to wear some of my skirts from before baby.  This was a huge ego booster and came on a day when I needed it. 

Life at home:
Brent and I are adjusting pretty good. We had a great 3 days together.  We took turns doing things or watching Emma.  We went to my parents for a walk in the Bob, and have enjoyed relaxing.  I keep having to remind us that we just won't accomplish as much as before...and this is hard because we are both really active and like to get things done.  I don't sit still...even on vacation.  I love to go, go, go.  That has probably been the biggest adjustment, and will continue to be. Brent had her alone for almost 3 hours on Friday so I could get out and run to the mall and Target.  It was GLORIOUS!  I was anxious, yes.  But it was like "yes, a little me time...finally"  The last few weeks of my pregnancy felt awful because I could barely go anywhere without feeling exhausted or have pain in my feet or abdomen (prob Braxton Hicks looking back now), so I felt like I had not been able to just get out in quite awhile.  Brent admitted later that night that those 3 hours were great, but he felt so lazy...and I know he got a glimpse of the last 2 weeks had been like for me.  Yet, I still can't say enough good things about this man...he helps with everything..and does it gladly.  He knows the stress I am under and knows what I like to have accomplished before I can go to bed.  I will miss him terribly this week while he is at work. 

Goals for the week:
Feel free to laugh at these..but if you are a mother, or when you become will know that they are not silly anymore:)
-take a shower without anyone else here watching Emma
-get Emma to nap in her crib at least once a day...not the swing, not the car seat, not my arms...but her own crib (Halo Sleepsack..this is where you come in!)
-go on a solo walk (I think this will be easy...Tuesday is going to be a great outside day)
-go on a solo car I dare?????  We did buy a mirror so I can see her while driving..I promise not to run off the road!

What do you think...too ambitious???  Should I throw some more in, or aim low!?!?

Hate this face......

Love this face.....

Couldn't survive without these faces (the 3 B's - Brent, Baby, Bob!)

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Week 2..and your chance for solicited advice!

We are in survival mode here in week 2.  I am loving eary minute of Emma, and feel blessed to be her mother.  But there are definately challenging moments.  Brent went back to work on Monday, so that's an added stressor.  My mom and dad have been over, and some good friends as well.  Thankfully, Brent is off Friday, so we have a 3 day weekend to try and recoop and get into a routine.  We are still trying to figure out what life is like with a newborn, and how to be parents:)

We normally wake up around 6:30am and Brent starts to get ready for work.  Emma is either in my arms or his, as we fell asleep like that from the night.  I know this is bad, and I hate that she is getting in this habit, so hopefully we can break it this weekend.  The only place she has slept so far is the carseat, our arms, and once in the afternoon in the crib, in her swaddlepod.  I am nervous about her sleeping on her back - which is ridiculous since that is the safest place for them, I know.  I don't know whether she needs to be swaddled all the time if she sleeps on her back or not.  I feel better with her reclined. She normally wakes to feed by 8am, right about the time Brent needs to leave for work - so it's crisis mode for me to get up and get everything set up downstairs.  I need to get used to just letting her be - I don't need to be watching her all the time or holding her.  She will cry, and that has to be alright.  Right now, her feedings are way too close together.  I have searched and tried, and the best I can conclude is that she is not getting enough when she feeds from the breast.  Sorry if this is too much info...  I had troubles with her latching on last week so we started pumping just in case and feeding her from a bottle.  If we feed her from the bottle, she drinks 2-4 ounces in one sitting and can go 3+ hours without needing to be fed.  On the boob, she just eats for a about 10-15 minutes (maybe) and falls asleep.  No matter what I try, she doesn't want to eat more.  Those feedings were taking over an hour and then she was wanting to eat every hour because she was not satisfied.  It was hell.  Everytime I try to call the pediatrician, they tell me to go to a lactation consultant, but I did that, several times in the hospital, and once last week.  I honestly think I just need to let it go, and start bottle feeding.  I will still pump, but may need to add formula to supplement.  Any advice from moms out there would be great.  I am not giving up, but just need some sanity and need Emma to eat more.  She is supposed to get 20-24 ounces in a 24 hour period, and since I think she is only getting an ounce or less at the boob, she is not keeping up. 

We have been on 2 walks so far.  I would go for more, but is is WAY too hot out there for her.  I hear the temps are supposed to be cooler next week so I anticipate more outside time:)

I can't thank everyone enough for their visits, support, food, and love.  We have been blessed by each of you and hope to be able to provide the same support back:)

We haven't been anywhere this week. Last week, we had 2 doctor visits, a hospital visit, and went to Babies R Us for a few minutes.  I am starting to go insane.  Right about 3pm, I start to think about what my life used to be like - where I got out of the house, went places, showered...the normal.  I get pretty sad and feel pretty lonely.  Anybody that says they didn't feel this has to be lying.  I have ran to Food Lion twice while someone was here with Emma, but that's not exactly fun.  I am hoping to venture out to Target or even to Carolina Inn for an hour Friday....while Brent is here.  And maybe a family outing somewhere, anywhere...when did yall start going places with your newborn??  I am itching to get out of the house!!  I know this will pass, but it's so hard!  Plus - I want to show her off:) 

She is getting so strong! Her head muscles are noticeably stronger, and we may start tummy time this weekend.  She loves to be held and to be in her carseat.  She isn't a fan of baths, but now that her umbilical cord stump has fallen off, we will try again.  Her hair is so dark still, and her cheeks have to be the cutest things I have ever seen.  All I can do sometimes is just kiss them.  I am still getting used to the fact that this is MY child...the person who kicked me for 9 months and wiggled around in my belly.  She has the cutest cry when she's hungry, and the loudest..most blood curdling scream when she's starving!  We have not tried a paci yet, but are close to it.  If we stop breastfeeding, then I think it's a no brainer...again..feel free to chime in here:)  She still can't fit into things we have for her - just newborn onesies.  And I loathe onesies..they are so hard to get on and off.  I need to find some clothes that snap in the front and don't require me to go over her head and pull her whole arm through.  She is also still in newborn diapers. I think once we get this feeding thing figured out, she will grow like a weed..and I will of course miss my little sweet pea who couldn't fit into anything!

I can't say enough thank yous to my husband.  What a wonderful father and friend he has been.  I know it is hard to go to work all day, come home tired, and still give us his undivided attention.  He has been so hands on and we take turns at night feeding and soothing her.  He never gets frustrated with her, which is a huge help.  He helpls me keep perspective, and makes me feel at ease, even when she's screaming.  Our first Father's day was sorta a blurr, and we have decided to officially celebrate in a month..when I can get a proper gift and card together.

Coming along....the alphabet wall is on hold...and we still need hardware for the changing table.  We also need to hang a shelf, find a rug, and put up pictures.  Her stuff is pretty much organized, and I can't wait until both Emma, and I, are ready for her to use the room.  I say "I" since I am still feeling like it is my job to watch her all night long...and that fades a little each day (and with sleep deprivation setting in too).  I can't wait until she can use her crib and play around in her own room.

So...if you made it all the way through this post, you are awesome!  I know it was long, but I wanted to document what I could!  And, please excuse any typos...can having an 11 day old be my grammar excuse?!?  Hope everyone has a great week!!

Monday, June 18, 2012

One week in...

Emma Stiles Talley
Born June 10, 2012
6 lbs 15 oz
Honestly, I have no idea where this child got her hair!  If I had not been there for the whole "experience," I would have thought they had mixed her up with someone else's child in the nursery!  She is a very good baby, and only fusses when hungry.  No one could have ever prepared me for all the emotions you experience after meeting this little nugget.  If you think pregnancy hormones are bad, just wait!  It has been tough, I will admit.  And breastfeeding (world's most natural thing) is NOT easy.  That has been one of the biggest challenges so far. We are working on it, and if we don't get it, then that's fine.  She won't love me any less or be any less healthy if I have to supplement formula. 

For those wondering, my labor was ok.  I say ok, because truly, I am forgetting some parts of it already.  My water broke Saturday morning at 4:15am.  I had no warning at all. I had not really had any other signs of coming close to delivery, so we were not really prepared.  My bags were packed, but the nursery and house were not ready at all.  Immediately, I showered and Brent did the dishes (I hate a dirty kitchen!)  When we got to UNC, I was only 1cm dialated, so they stuck me in a room where we just waited it out:)  Contractions started coming and they induced me around 2pm.  By 4:30pm, I was asking for an epidural:)  The lower back pain was awful. I could handle the contractions, but not the back pain.  I was still only 2cm, so they increased the potosin (probably mis spelled that one).  That night, Emma's heart rate started dropping rapidly after each contraction.  A flood of nurses would rush in and tell me to move one way or the other, my blood pressure was dropping, and I was put on oxygen.  Little E had a heart monitor put on her head as well. They mentioned c-section several times, and honestly, I was ready.  The stress and fear of what we were both going through was awful.  They took me off the potosin and gave me some drugs to help calm me down (aka...zonk me out).  All I remember is waking up Sunday morning, and I was 6cm!  It was the first positive step - especially given that my water had broken over 24 hours ago. They slowly started to induce me (which I was super worried about), and by noon, I was 9cm.  The pushing itself was actually really easy (thanks to my awesome epidural), and within 2 hours, Emma was here!  They used the mirror at the end of the bed, and although that sounds totally gross, it was the most helpful tool ever.  I highly recommend it.  There is nothing like a little motivation to help you through!  It did take until Monday mid-morning for my epidural to wear off, and that was really tough.  I had gone through almost a whole bag in 24 its now wonder I didnt feel anything:)  So, all in all, I was in labor for 34 hours!  And I am really proud of myself.  I could NOT have done it without Brent an awesome husband and father he was throughout.  I don't know what women do who have un-supportive husbands (or no husband at all). 

Here is our week in photos...I have a TON, but right now Emma is sleeping and I am running out of time!

Sunday was my one week birthday!

We went home Tuesday morning....very glad to leave the hospital, but had no idea what life would be like at home:)

Emma loves to sleep with her hand on her chin..I call this her "deep thoughts" pose.

We had our first bath!  Of course, she screamed the whole time!

We've had three outings to the doctor.  She is doing great.  I love this picture...she is holding my hand:)

Friday, June 8, 2012

Am I Crazy???

I am 39 weeks today...and really wanting to tackle this project this weekend.  What's wrong with me?  I can barely walk around...I seriously feel like I am disabled.  I am ok until about 11am...then I start waddling slowly to the bathroom, holding my belly as if that helps at all.  My hips hurt, my back hurts, and I honestly feel like I cannot move.  I almost used one of the motorized carts at the grocery store the other night...and I was serious...I had no shame.  Unfortunately, there weren't any.  All that I saw was a wheelchair...and I had no one to push me, so I carried on in misery. 

How will I ever collect all these letters, paint them, and put them on the wall..if I can't even walk to the bathroom?  Answer - I have no clue.  I must be crazy.

Carolina Pottery has an awesome selection of letters - some unfinished wood, some fabric covered, and some plain black.  And Michael's also has great unfinished letters as well - in different fonts and sizes.  I love the idea of mixing different fonts, cases, sizes, colors, and even doing a button or mirror for the "O." There is a large empty space above the chair and ottoman in the nursery, that also sits between the 2 windows.  I think this would be really cute, and would fill the space well. Maybe I can convince Brent to help me:)

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Still waiting...

I had fantasies about Emma coming never feeling like a ginormous beast, and being the envy of all other pregnant women on earth.  By far, the last 2 weeks have got to be the hardest.  You feel huge, you hurt all the time, and your hormones and anxiety have reached new levels not known before.  I had a fabulous weekend - full of energy and no pain. Then I had 2 sleepless nights in a row - nothing like a dose of reality to bring you down to earth! It's amazing how one day you can feel awesome, then the next feel like complete death.

All I can think about when I look at this photo is "DUNLAP" know, when your belly DUNLAPPED over your pants? Haha - hopefully that took the edge off of seeing my naked belly...I know, I gross, right?  Just think of it as ammunition for when you need something to blackmail me with!

I did finally get some sleep last night, so today should be better.  I am still working - but this is my last week.  I was getting nervous about being out, but honestly, I am ready now.  I feel like there is nothing else I can do, or need to do, at this point to prepare for being gone.  And let's face it....I am not going to be completely gone.  If I didn't check emails and try and stay in the loop for 12 weeks, my life would be a living hell when I returned.  And as my doctors keep referring to me as "Type A" (is that written in my chart somewhere, I wonder?), I most certainly need control even while gone.

On the bright side, the doctor did tell me that if by my next appt. (Monday), I had not gone into labor, they would schedule an induction for sometime after my due date -which is Friday the 15th.  That was a HUGE relief, since she hinted that my baby was already 8 pounds....seriously?  I know it's only an estimate, but honestly...8 pounds? I was only 6 pounds...this can't be true! I don't want to end up on the Today Show talking about how I delivered an 11 pound baby.  And for those who are wondering, I have no objections to pain meds.  I am going to take it one moment at a time, but know when enough is enough!

My bag is packed!!

On the nursery homefront - still looking like an episode of This Old House...but Brent promises that it will all be done by Friday (last week, he said is currently do the math).  I am not stressed...oddly enough.  It would be nice to go sit in her room and relax.....instead the windows are open for ventilation while he varnishes the wood (totally safe and non toxic), and we are still without anything on the walls or floor (any good rug places/suggestions...PLEASE send my way!!)  I guess this will give me something to do for after Emma arrives...

This is totally childproof, right?

All kidding sweet husband is hard at work every night.  He spends all day at work, comes home with dinner for me, then goes into her room to put final touches on her piece.  I couldn't be more proud of him than I am right least until I see him hold Emma..that might top this moment:)

As for the walls, these are a few items from etsy that I might order..

This would be cute in a fun, colored frame....from etsy -

Love these prints on wood....also from etsy -

I do, however, have a diaper bag finally!  I fell in love with this one at Nordstroms, but decided to order straight from the company - who happens to be in NC (gotta support local!).  I cannot. wait. to use it!  It is already packed with everything Emma and I could need...and I love that it does not look like a diaper bag - so I can use it for years (Lord knows...I don't have enough purses as it is!)

Bella Tunno Signature Diaper bag -
So, I'm hanging in there for now! Please keep all the prayers and support coming - I have felt so blessed by everyone during this whole pregnancy.  God has truly showed me love throughout this whole process:)

Monday, June 4, 2012

the 12 days of pregnancy...

Ok, so there are not really 12 days of pregnancy....even though that would be awesome!! But I have 12 days left...yup...9+ months has really flown by.  I am not really having any signs of I guess Miss Emma is patient, and I can live with that.  I had been feeling pretty ginormous and tired, but had a spurt of energy this weekend.
Our pre-church picture - Brent takes one every Sunday:) This is 38 weeks and 2 days (but who's counting, right?!)

I decided to do some simple sewing projects.  My friend, Kathryn, made a wonderful baby blanket for Emma and I was inspired to try one myself. I haven't done much sewing since a year ago, when I made these skirts while Daisy was very sick.  I still have that fabric in the post to make more skirts out maybe if Emma is still being "patient," I will get to those this weekend! 
This was super easy to make - I just sewed two pieces of fabric together.  I chose a yellow and white stripe flannel for one side, and a soft cotton floral print for the other. 

I had a 12 pack of plain burp cloths, and thought some could use a little color:) I just took scrap fabric and sewed it to one side.

The rest of the weekend was spent with friends and family.  My dad turned 62 on Sunday...and we celebrated with some delicious deserts from Southern Season.  Our new neighbors had a house warming party....and it was great to meet some of their friends and family.  They happen to also be the brother and sister-in-law of a couple in our small group from church, so we are excited for lots of fun times to come.

Lastly, Brent and I went to cheer on the Heels for their last game against St. John.  We went with some friends from church, and were having an awesome time....until a foul ball came and hit a man in the head sitting directly 2 seats behind us. I was beyond traumatized...not just because it was so close to me and some people I care about, but also because I am so sensitive to anyone getting hurt.  I think he is ok, but it was certainly a crisis situation.  I prayed all night that that was the case.  I even lost several hours of sleep, and have been anxious ALL day today.  I get chills even thinking or talking about it.  Last weekend, there was a bad wreck behind our house and silly me thought I would walk up and investigate.  They were not letting any cars through, and that should have been my clue that  I should not be going up there.  I got within ear shot and heard a woman screaming in pain.....I couldn't walk back to the house fast enough.  Needless to say, I am already sensitive enough before being pregnant, and these hormones just intensify it.  It took me a few days to finally get that sound out of my head, and now this.  It has been a rough end to some weekends the past 2 weeks, I'll say!  This girl needs some Xanax badly!

Otherwise, things are going great.  I am not freaking out about the workshop that once was Emma's nursery.  Brent has about 2 days left of work and then her changing table is done!  I have a post in progress that I will finalize later this week. I'm still working, and feeling pretty productive.  The rest of the house is somewhat in order and I'm ok with that right now.  My bag is packed and ready..with of course way more than I will use or really need while I'm there.  I feel a ton of support from my friends and that has been getting me through the uncertainties of labor and delivery, and life with new baby.  Overall, I'd say I have a lot to thank God for:)

So, here's to 12 more days of anticipation for Emma bear....I can't wait to finally hold her, protect her, snuggle with her, and show her off to all my wonderful friends and family!