Friday, December 23, 2016

11 days in...

I started this post almost 2 weeks ago....and am just now getting to it to finish.  I will preface it by saying that life is much, much easier, but it is slow going.... :)

I have been meaning to blog, but somehow every time I sit down (which is a lot with a newborn), I manage to not have my laptop.  I'm finally in the house alone (well...Merritt is asleep and the cat is sitting next to me....but it's quiet, for now), and I have a second to breathe.  That's sort of how it feels -like taking a deep breath.  The last 11 days have been a whirlwind - mixed with intense gratefulness, joy, pain, and sadness.  Having a newborn is tough - really tough.  And when you add an energetic 4.5 year old and the loss of a pet, it's been an unbearable week and a half.
I'll start with Swerve, our beloved brother cat (Sunflower is his sister), that we had to lay to rest Thursday.  He had gone downhill quickly - especially when we were in the hospital having merritt and the first few days at home.  When we took him to the vet, he had stopped eating and was barely moving around.  We had tried all different options for food, but nothing worked.  Lab tests revealed kidney failure (probably chronic kidney disease), and possible cancer.  It was such a struggle to hear and also to have to make some sort of decision.  We could spend thousands trying to diagnose what he had, with a very high probability that it was incurable (according to the vet), or we could get some fluids in him, and let him feel a little better for a day and let him go with some dignity.  Swerve has always been our sweetest cat with Emma - always letting her play with him, torture him, etc...  He was extremely loving and had such a great personality.  I had rescued him and his sister 11 years ago from the lake, and was supposed to find a home for them since Brent and I were getting married a few months later and already had a dog.  I managed to persuade Brent that they needed to be together and stay with us:)  They were part of our original family - you know, when you took pictures of your pets because you didn't have kids yet?!?!?  Saying goodbye to him was like saying goodbye to Daisy all over again, like a part of our early marriage was gone.  In some ways, it is.....we have 2 kids now and life is very, very different.  We are not footloose and fancy free - doing whatever we pleased, whenever, and only having the responsibilities of jobs tying us down.  We miss Swerve terribly, and being in the thick of newborn stage makes it easier AND harder to deal with. 

One last snuggle with him.  He always acted like he hated my forced affection, but I know he really loved it.  I say this because he never tried to escape it, and sometimes even purred while I held him.  Tough guy exterior....but big softie inside:)

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