Ups and downs....

Life seems to come in waves - some days better than others.  There are ups, and there are downs...

I had my hair cut a few weeks ago....and my awesome stylist posted my pic on Instagram....I am not a celebrity...but sure felt like it after my style:)

The ups and downs are not limited to daily moods - we are still having crazy weather.  Warm one day, cold the next.  Emma LOVES to be outside and play on her playset.  It's been nice to have her get some energy out.

This little munchkin has a lot of personality.  She is such a mama's girl.  She can be screaming bloody murder, and as soon as I take her and hold her, she is fine.  She is 14 lbs and already in size 2 diapers.  She is also fitting into her 3-6 months clothes easily -something which seemed so far away when I got them out from Emma's old clothes.

I'm slowly getting back into making things.  I'm working on earrings...and have ordered new hang tags for my pieces when they are at shows or stores.  My next goal is creating a website, and perhaps doing away with my etsy shop.

One Sunday, we went to Duke's campus to hear a friend sing who is in the Due Choral Society.  We took both girls because it was last minute, and we want them to be cultured (eye roll....)  I knew it might be a disaster, and it wasn't completely.  But I didn't get to listen to most of the show.

I spent it here.....on the floor in the bathroom....nursing my sweet babe (insert another eye roll).

This was a low point....I have been trying to accept my fate as a nursing mother.  I don't love it...I don't mind it when I do it at home, but going places has become a challenge.  We keep trying bottles....probably not as much as we could.  We did try that night and it worked for 5 minutes....see below.

Emma has become so independent lately.  I found her making her own sandwich the other day!

After some failed outings (and nursing in cars, bathrooms, etc...), I did venture out for the Duke/Carolina game to a friends.  And while I did need to nurse there for a short time, the rest of it went well.  Merritt was content to just hang out and chill!  It was reassuring...I miss people and friends!

Bundled up for a cold day over the weekend.... 

Snuggles with dad on Saturday morning!  I love Merritt's sweet smile looking up at Brent here.

and these cheeks....good gracious, I could eat them!

Friday, I met a friend for lunch at Living Kitchen - a great, healthy place in Chapel Hill that just opened up.  Merritt did take a little bit of the bottle there, and sweet Sarah held her so I could eat.  God, I'm so so grateful for friends who hold my babe so I can be a REAL PERSON:)

Meanwhile, Emma is such a diva sometimes.......I really hope she doesn't think this is what I look like when I talk on the phone!

We are still loving the Binxy carrier....and all the old ladies at the grocery store do too:) 

I even got bold enough to have one of Emma's friends over for a playdate.  Her mom, Sally, was getting her hair done and LORD knows taking a 4 year old to a hair appointment is NO FUN.  So I offered to have her over.  It was the first time someone had come over besides the neighbor friends.

Sweet Merritt all dressed up for an outing....

Can we talk about these rolls for a minute....good gracious!!

I also accomplished going back to the gym for the first time this week.  I went for 30 minutes, and Merritt did great!!!!  I was so worried, especially since she won't take a bottle yet.  She was all smiles and the ladies at Stay n Play loved her.  I was very pumped and cant wait to keep going.  Little glimpses of regular life make me soooo happy;)

Merritt is still getting up once a night, sometimes twice.....so while I am trying not to wish this stage away...I am ready for some regularity and more sleep.  I took a break from activities last week because I had been so discouraged - I was always missing out because I had to nurse.  But this week, Merritt slept through the entire church service and I was able to actually sit and listen (and it was awesome, thanks to the RUF minister that spoke this week!).  And mall group was a cookout with the kids, and I didn't have to nurse Merritt at all while we were there.  I know all this sounds stupid, but getting Merritt on a schedule and being able to live a life is HUGE for me right now:)  I hope everyone else has a great week.....and could it be the possibility of some snow this weekend?!?!?!?

3 months!

We've hit the 12 week mark and life is just rolling along.  Merritt is consistently getting up once around 2-4am.  It's really become a part of my routine, so I literally am asleep by 9:30pm.  We are having a hard time with her taking bottles, so that is our number one goal for right now. 

Errands are a lot easier now that I know Merritt's patterns.  She is happy to lay in this cart carrier my neighbor let me borrow.  It's a Binxy hammock, and it's great.  I'm really appalled at how babyseat unfriendly most stores are with their carts.  If the car seat actually fits in the cart, I barely have any room for stuff to buy.  This has been a life saver.

Brent made this awesome playgym for Merritt, and  love it.  I am not a huge fan of bright colored plastic baby things these days, so anything that looked like it blended better into our home was a must.  And Merritt LOVES it.  She will lay there forever and stare at the trinkets and hit them with her hand.

We have spent a lot of tie outside, and we went to my parents for a walk to the park.  Merritt is reclined now in her stroller seat.  My mom has been a huge help with both girls and I'm very thankful for her:)

Whenever I get one on one time with each of the girls, I am really content.  Merritt was asleep, so Emma and I played outside.  I'm still figuring out how to be the best parent when I have them together - divided attention is difficult.

Last Sunday, we went to Elon College to hear our dear friend, Dr. Irons, speak at an event on campus.  The Irons family is in our small group, and we are grateful for their friendship.

Elon has a beautiful campus.....and it was a gorgeous day.

We ate in their dining hall for brunch and it was actually good!

Sadly, I missed the speech because Merritt got hungry and refused to take the bottle I had for her.  So I nursed (under cover) in a private garden outside.  But I was bummed.....I seem to miss a lot these days and that's hard sometimes.

We tried out a new restaurant one afternoon after dance class.  It's called Living Kitchen, and it's not really kid friendly, but Emma enjoyed her smoothie.  I definitely want to come here with adults at another time.

We have enjoyed another beautiful weekend...update coming soon!  Happy Spring!

Daddy daughter date night

Awhile back, Brent had enriched that he had 4 tickets to the NCSU vs UNC game. I was excited until about 3 weeks ago when I realized that being fine for 4 hours st night at not be the easiest with a nursing newborn. The game was at 8pm and in Raleigh, which meant it was a bit harder logistically to go. So I thought it would be great for Brent to take Emma, and our friend Justin to take his son, Eli.

Emma was so pumped all day. She told everyone st school that she was going to the Tarheels game to eat cotton candy and popcorn. (Eye roll!)

I realized last minute that I didn't have any Carolina gear that fit Rmma. One outfit was too small and the other was too big. So I quickly texted my friend Sally to see if she had anything we could borrow.  She brought some options to school the day of the game and of course Emma chose the cheerleader dress.

We all met at Buffalo Brothers before the game to eat.  Merritt was super chill and I was able to enjoy a beer and some greasy apps.

Emma ate all her dinner and was pretty wound up.

The game was at 8pm, so I left dinner and went home.  It was actually kind of nice to just have the night to myself - and by myself, I mean with Merritt.

Emma wanted a Mrs. Wolf...which makes me super happy.  I went to grad school at NCSU, so I'm a semi Wolfpack fan:)

Emma and her cotton candy.....one of the main reasons she went I think:)

Even though they sat in the NCSU section, they had a blast.  And the State fans were super nice and thought it was hilarious that Emma had on a UNC outfit but carried the wolf around.  They got home after 10:30, and I was already in bed.  Emma couldn't stop talking about when she got up and had the best time.  I was really grateful they were able to share that time together.

Crazy weather

We have had some really weird weather here.  While I enjoy a sunny, warm day - I also really love winter.  So I am hoping for some more cold and snow before spring hits. 

But, we have tried to take advantage of the warm days.  We found a super cool park in Apex called Kelly Road park.  Apparently, Wake county has a lot of really cool parks....

We've also sat outside in our yard a lot.  Brent's porch off his workshop has made for some nice picnics!

For some reason, I seem to think that if we get outside in the afternoon, the sunlight will help Merritt sleep better at night.  I think I did read somewhere that it helps......so I'll try anything!  She isn't a bad sleeper, but I am still in the "I have no idea when I am going to be up" phase.  It makes evenings anxious for me.  I put her down around 9pm still, and just pray that she makes it past 3am.

We did have one cold day, so I bundled Merritt up for some swing time.  She was not enthused...

I also started reclining her seat in the stroller, which is so much easier than lugging around the carseat.

And then of course, we had another warm day and Emma sported this new style:)

We are all finally healthy and hoping to stay that way! 

Change....

I haven't posted in awhile.....Last week had a few nights where I almost gave up and ran away.  Merritt had 2 nights in a row where she got up every 2-3 hours.  And the week before, Brent was sick for 4 days with a fever and while he tested negative for the flu, I am sure he had it.  Luckily, no one else got it.  Emma and Merritt did get colds, and we've gone through a lot of Kleenex lately.  Brent's dear grandmother passed away last Wednesday also.  It was expected, but sad nonetheless.  She was 99 and one of the sweetest, sharpest ladies I've known.  She loved to drink beer in a can and had the best stories.  Sadly, the girls and I didn't attend the funeral.  The flu has been really, really bad in eastern NC, and one cousin already was sick in bed with it....then Brent's mother tested positive immediately right after the funeral.  I am so, so glad we did not go for that reason.  But super sad not to have been a part of the service.  Grandma would have turned 100 in March, so we are planning something special for that day.  Let's hope the flu is over by then!

Last week I also cleaned out my office at Peace for good.  Gosh, it had been a long time coming.  I announced in August my plans to "retire" :) 

But wow, the feelings. 

10 years of memories.  Some good, some painful. 

I started thinking back on all the students I had known, all the tutors I had trained.  I feel like I am walking away from something that was such a huge part of me.  I started working there immediately after I graduated Grad school, and only took 1.5 off and then returned.  I worked my way up from the bottom, and literally built the tutoring program there.  We had 4 tutors there when I started, and I leave it now with over 20.  I created the tutoring center, fought hard for a designated space, and spent countless hours creating handouts, study aids, and other materials. 

I formed an official training course for tutors and evaluation process.  I worked hard with other departments on campus to make sure students got the support they needed.  I conducted numerous workshops, visited classes, and taught hundreds of freshmen. 

I advised hundreds of undecided major students, mentoring them in their first 2 years of college.  I watched many students, whom others said would not make it past their first semester, go on to graduate.  I offered kleenex to countless homesick kids who felt the world on their shoulders, but somehow found refuge in a tiny office with a quirky teacher. 

I watched many dear colleagues come and go as the times at Peace changed. 

Wow, I accomplished a lot. 

But it stings. 

I know in my heart that I cannot fully commit to the job anymore, and haven't been able to for some time.  My heart, my thoughts, and my energy is on my family.  And that's ok.  I gave what I could.  But it feels like I am closing the door on an era and I feel pain and worry knowing that I can't get it back. 

I love my new role...I love taking care of my family.  But I loved my students, I loved using the $60k education my parents so generously bought me:)  I loved academics.  If I could have stayed in college my whole life, I would.  I loved learning and collaborating. 

And I loved sharing that with students who were struggling to love learning.  I loved helping them find their inspiration and motivation to accomplish their goals. 

But the time has come to grow up and into a new person.  I hope one day I can return to teaching and mentoring students.  But for now, I am feeling all the feels.....and missing all my Peace peeps a little bit more than usual.